What Could Have Been
by fangirlsga
Summary: Juliet made the biggest mistake in her life, and it forced Shawn to leave town. Juliet is left with regrets on what could have been. One shot for now.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: First Psych fic so please forgive my mistakes. Dont own Psych but I want Shawn lol. This is all on Juliet's P.O.V. I'm planning on continueuing this.. Although this could also be just a one shot. Tell me what you think. :]**_

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><p>I stare at the hallway of the SBPD, waiting for a certain 'psychic' detective to waltz around and brighten up our boring day. It has been a year since he has left. It has been one year, one month and three days since he proposed. It has also been one year, one month and three days since I rejected him.<p>

Evereything was perfect in our relationship. We work well on cases together. We are professional when at work. We do flirt and he manages to steal kisses in between, but other that, all is well. After work, we spend the night either watching 80s movies with Gus, dinner dates at a nice restaurant [or with his father at his house] or making out anywhere in my or his apartment. We talk about some serious stuffs, but we also talk about fun and sweet stuffs. He even told me that he wasn't a psychic, and I accepted his explanation, knowing that he had no choice at the time and his intentions are good. I love him so much and he lets me know that he loves me too. Everything was just perfect. So why the hell did he needed to propose? Or why the hell did I have to say no.

That night was perfect. He brought me to psych. He prepared a dinner date, like the ones he prepared when I had to go undercover as a Derby skater. Then we held hand as we strolled at the beach. As we reach the shore, we started close-talking. He told me how much he love me. He went down on knees after that and asked me to marry him. You know what happened next. I said no.

To be honest, I'm not really sure why I said no. It's not that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. It's also not because I don't think he is capable of having a family. In fact, I think he would be a good husband and a good father to our future little Shawns and little Juliets. Yes, I know. I have been dreaming of having a family with him ever since he "proposed" to me for our undercover work. So why did I have to reject him?

I guess, its because I got scared. I was scared that if we get married, we might mess it up. I was scared that because of the danger of our jobs that one of us might leave the other. I was scared that maybe he was just making a mistake. That he might find another girl that would much better than me. I'm scared that our love wouldn't be enough to make us forever. Damn these doubts and insecurities!

I never thought that would end our relationship. In all fairness to him, he did try to make things normal again. We went back to our old routine like nothing happened. He never mentioned the proposal again, not until I had to bump with Declan and had coffee with him. It was supposed to be a friendly catch up. But why did Shawn had to show up at the same diner as we are? I wished at that time that he was really a psychic, so he wouldn't misunderstood everything.

I never seen him so jealous, so furious and so hurt. How long was he hiding those emotions? I do not know. I guess, he was going to blow up sooner or eventually. He just needed a trigger. We fought that night. We yelled at each other, threw and broke things. I shouldn't have fought him. I shouldn't have told him that I didn't want to marry him because he's immature, irresponsible and selfish. But I did not mean what I said. He's may be immature, but I love his playfulness and humor, most especially when we're in bed. *wink* He's not irresponsible too. He has been solving numerous of cases for the Santa Barbara Police Department, and he makes sure that nothing would be left unsolved. And he is definitely not selfish, in fact he is the opposite of selfish. He had love me with all of his heart. He may not listen to me at times, but his intentions are usually good. He puts the people he loves first before himself, and that makes him noble. I know I shouldn't have told him those things and I was just really mad that he didn't trust me enough. But I couldn't blame him. I knew I hurt him enough when I said no to that stupid proposal.

He left town without saying goodbye. He told Gus he needed time to think and clear his head. I tried looking for him a couple of times. But Henry said, its no use. If he did not want to be found, no one can find him.

I wonder how would our life turn out, if I just said yes. I wonder if we're already married by now. I bet he would be very dapper on our wedding day. And I, I would be the most beautiful woman that day. I know both my father would be there and walk me down the aisle, because Shawn would do everything just to make sure that Frank would show up. He loves me that much. We will both have misty eyes during the ceremony, but Shawn would make sure that we'll have a good laugh too.

The whole SBPD would be there to congratulate us. Even Carlton would be happy for us. Of course, Gus would be his best man and he will give us a heart felt toast then he'll pretend that he's mad because Shawn would steal his credit card for our honeymoon. I will dance with him all night, with occassional taps from the other men who wants to dance with me like Henry. He'll warn me about his son then he'll welcome me to their family.

After our party, we'll go back to our room and he'll carry me until we reach our bed. We'll make passionate love all night like we never did before. And when we get really get tired, he'll kiss me goodnight, then I'll cuddle deeper into him.

I wonder what else would happen if I just said yes to him. What would be his reaction when I told him he's going to be a father for the first time? What would our children look like? I bet he'll be a wanna be cool dad too. He'll be running around with them. I would be stuck disciplining him and our kids. But he'll sure that our kids would grow up good kids. I know that for sure.

But that could never happen now, because I was stupid. Shawn is gone and it's all because of me. I wonder where he is right now. What is he doing right now? Is he day dreaming the what-ifs too? Is he even thinking about me? When will he back? There's so much more questions about Shawn running into my mind right now. I just can't help it._ Oh Shawn! I miss you so much._

"O'Hara! Go home. It has been a long day." an authorative but comforting voice broke my thoughts. It was the Chief. I smiled and nodded.

I looked at Carlton, who had a sympathetic glance on his face. Henry too had the similar look and so as Gus who is seated in front of Henry's table. He go here a lot even if Shawn's gone. Henry and Gus spend time together, so they could share stories about Shawn so they wouldn't miss him so much. I join them whenever I'm not too busy with work. Even Lassiter, Buzz and the Chief share stories about Shawn sometimes. I looked down at the paperwork that I've been working and saw that it has been wet. _Oh. I've been crying_.

I guess I've been crying hard again. How could I not? I've been missing him. My Shawn. My supposedly _fiancé_. I've been crying everyday, mostly during the night, since he left. I made the biggest mistake in my life, and it cost me of losing the best thing that happened in my life._ Please come home, Shawn. I want to fix my mistakes. I want to live my dream this time. I love you so much and I hope you give me another chance to make it up to you..._

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><p><em><strong>AN: So, one shot or continue with Shawn coming back? Pls review! Thank you!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Wow 8 reviews. Thanks. Sorry I was busy so I wasn't able to write again, but since you guys are persistent in reviewing and most of you wanted Shawn to comeback. I decided to make this a multi-chapter story, I also wrote a continuation of the story as a reward. Here's Shawn's P.O.V.**_

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><p>It has been one year and three days since I have proposed to her. It has also one year and three days since I lost a part of me when she rejected me. I thought everything between us is okay. That we are happy and ready to step forward. As the man in the relationship, I decided to take the lead and asked her to marry her. I was so sure that she would say yes because she felt the same way. But I was wrong after all. I never felt this devastated with my life that day. I felt so alone. It's like I've been to hell and back up here on earth. I thought I could handle the pain, as long as I'm with her. But no, instead, I felt more negative feelings towards her. There's hurt, sadness and of course, doubt. I can't help but doubt her feelings for me. I began to doubt if she really loved me. I loved her more than my life, but I wasn't sure if she felt the same. I began thinking that maybe she's just waiting for someone better than me and she'll leave me as soon as she finds that guy. Who am I anyway? I am just Shawn Spencer, an immature fake psychic detective.<p>

I never showed anyone, not even Gus, my emotional side. I kept things to myself and I tried my best to go back to normal. I tried to be the same Shawn they met before this hell happened. It worked. Of course, there are some awkward moments with Jules, but everything is okay. It's almost as it never happened. Unfortunately, my emotions needed to get out somehow. And it did, when I saw Juliet with Declan having coffee together. I saw red and I didn't know what I was doing. I was angry. I said things that I wasn't supposed to say, and I've hurt the love of my life. I never thought I could be that mad. I never thought I could hurt her like that. After that I realized that my love isn't enough for me to hold on to our relationship. Her rejection hurts a lot, and I am hurting her in return. So I decided to leave town.

I went from places to places, never stayed on a town longer than a month. I worked part time on different jobs, and I tried myself to distract myself from thinking about her. I even tried dating again. But no matter how hard I tried, I can't stop thinking about her. I can't seem to stop loving her. I guess this is what true loves mean: Loving the person even if it hurts.

To be honest, the pain is still there, the pain from rejection and the pain from missing her badly. Damn this gift for not forgetting the proposal incident. It is still fresh like it happened yesterday. But I've been starting to accept that she doesn't want to marry me. The pain from the rejection is starting to become numb. What really hurts is the thought of never seeing her again. I miss Jules badly. I miss cuddling with her, I miss our movie date nights. I miss the way she smiles at me. I miss being dirty with her. I miss her laugh. And oh, I miss those beautiful eyes, how passionate and loving they look at me especially when we are making love.

I guess it was stupid of me to propose to her. I should have been contented on our relationship. I shouldn't have asked for more. We could have been happy and we could have been still together if I didn't propose. Being with her is better than anything in this world. However, I wanted a family too. Yes, I know. Who knew I would be thinking this way. I guess everything changed when she came into my life. She gave me direction. She made me start to plan about my future. Our future. I want little Shawns and Juliets running around our perfect home. I want to grow old with her. I want her to be mine forever. Love is such a confusing thing. I'm not really sure what to do with my life. The only thing I'm certain about right now is that I love her.

I lay back on my bed, wondering how she is. Is she still thinking about me? Did she find someone better than me? How did she take of me leaving? Is she mad at me? Will she able to forgive me when I come back? Is she alright? Is Lassie protecting her during ambush and such? Is she safe right now? Who is taking care of her?

I stood up and grabbed my jacket and backpack. I paid my hotel dues and hopped to my motorcycle. Tonight, I'm driving back to Santa Barbara. I don't care what awaits for me there. I will accept it even if she hates me, but I can't stand the feeling of being far away not knowing how's she's doing.

Things are starting to be clearer now. I love her, even if she doesn't love me back. I know I won't be happy without her. I know I won't love anybody as much as I love her. But her hating me or her being happy on someone else's arms is much better than not seeing her at all.

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><p><em><strong><strong>AN: **Sorry it's short. But please Review. I'll have another Chapter up, as soon as possible. Thanks.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: I was in the mood writing to I decided to continue on this story. Hope you like it..**_

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><p><strong>Shawn's P.O.V.<strong>

I've been back in Santa Barbara for more than three months now, but I have yet to show my face to the people I love, especially to Jules. I don't know. I just felt things would be better this way.

When I got back, I went directly at the Police Station. I saw Gus, my dad, Jules, Lassie and Buzz hanging out. They were laughing and they looked very happy. I never saw them that happy. I guess they just needed me out of their life. After that I left the station. I was on the verge of leaving town again, but I decided to stay. What made me stay? It's Jules. Seeing her smile makes me want to stay. She is the love of my life, and just seeing her makes my heart swell.

I sold my bike outside town, bought a mountain bike (so it's not hard to travel from place to place) and disguised myself. Good thing, I grew beard while I was back in the road. I wore thick glasses, I wore blue contact lenses and I dyed my hair blonde. I actually look awesome and hot with my new look. I changed my name to Blane Mitchell (yes, I combined the name of the two male leading characters of my favourite movies, Top Gun and Prettier in Pink). I re-rented the old laundry shop and stayed there. I worked as a waiter at the diner near the beach at night so I can keep up with my daily expenses. In the morning, I kept the Police Radio with me and monitor the crime scenes. That way, I could still be up to date with the crimes they are working on and I could help them solve faster even from a far. I went back to my anonymous tips and sometimes I make sure the evidence would be seen.

It always felt good helping solve cases. 6 months after we started Psych, I started to stop thinking about the fame and money. It has always been about helping other people. Getting noticed by Jules, bonding with my father, annoying Lassie, the fame and the money are just extra perks of what I did. That's why it's not really a big deal to me not being recognized for the help I did. I know it's so not me at all, but I know I haven't been myself ever since Jules...

Speaking of Jules, I knew I chose the right place to work because she always eat at the diner. I always ask the other waiters to serve her on the fear of getting recognized. But there was this one time that I wasn't able to escape getting her order. It was a busy night at the diner and everybody was doing something and I was the only one available to get her order. Good thing, she seems preoccupied on the case she is studying. She ordered her usual pancakes with pineapple smoothies. It's quite weird that she orders pancake and pineapple smoothies for dinner. It's like she's ordering for me, but I think it's just we dated for so long that I influenced her on loving the greatest fruit of all time and pancake for dinner. The thought of that puts a smile on my face. I always stare at her from a far. God she's so beautiful! It actually surprises me that she's not dating anybody right now. She also seems always distracted; I guess it's because of the increasing crime rate in Santa Barbara.

I was actually having a good time with my new life. Even though I don't get to interact with my family, friends and Jules, I am actually happy that I get to see them and somehow I get to help them. For now, that would be enough for me. Seeing that they are happy with their lives and seeing that they are safe everyday are enough. I'm contented how things are right now and it's better this way.

Today is my day-off from work. I was supposed to my laundry but I heard Lassie, Jules and the rest of the SBPD were going to ambush a warehouse where suspected drug dealers are doing deals. I had a very bad feeling about it, so I decided to follow them. I stayed somewhere far so they wouldn't notice I was there. I heard Lassie asking the dealers to surrender; however they didn't want to give up without a fight. It wasn't long when exchange of bullets started.

I knew it was stupid for me to go in, but I can't help but worry about Jules. My gut feeling was right when I found her. A very big man is choking her. I grabbed a metal pipe somewhere and I used it to whack the big man. It worked. Unfortunately, two other bad guys appeared and we started to fight them. Everything happened so fast, I lost grip of the pipe I was holding a while ago and I received some punches and blow on my face and body. The last one, somewhere my abdomen really stung, but luckily Jules is a bad-ass cop. She was awesome! She knocked out both men. She's so hot when she's bad ass like that.

She went and turned to me. As much as I wanted to thank her for saving my ass there, I started to leave because I wasn't supposed to be there. But I found myself cold and I was unable to move. I looked at her and found her staring at me with wide eyes like she had seen a ghost. Oh no! I've been caught. She recognized me. But when I realized she's not looking on my face but on my abdomen, I looked down and saw crimson red spreading quickly to my shirt. Oh... That's why it hurts like hell. That stupid bastard had a knife and stabbed me. The last thing I remembered was Jules running towards me, saying some incoherent words, and then everything turned black.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger and I know it's quite short. But tell me what you think. Next Chapter is Juliet's P.O.V. on the the 3 months that passed plus on the incident. Plus, do you think Juliet and the gang will recognize Shawn? Or will he remain Blane Mitchell?**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: New Chapter UP! Hope you enjoy! :) Thank you for the Reviews! I really appreciate them. They give me inspiration to write another chapter for you. :)**_

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><p><strong>Juliet's P.O.V.<strong>

This past few weeks has been a blur. Everything seems lighter. I guess it's because we're starting to get into the rhythm when it comes to solving cases. The crime rate is still enormous but we have been solving the cases faster, just like when Shawn was still here. Speaking of Shawn, I have been starting to be convinced that he's not coming back. I've stopped grieving about him for a month now. It has been more than a year since he left anyway. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore. I still love him that it hurts. I know it's my fault that he's not coming back and I know I have to deal with that. But deep down I know I won't stop loving him.

I cope up by making sure that I eat at least once a day at our diner – the one where we first met. Usually, I end up eating dinner there, ordering Shawn's usual order – pancakes and pineapple smoothies. This way, I can remind myself the happy memories I have with him. There are times too that I thought I saw him, but I guess it's just a fragment of my imagination.

Anyway, back to solving crimes, things has been easier. Sometimes the evidences are just in front of our noses, and sometimes when things gets really hard, an anonymous tip comes to the rescue. It's like we have a guardian angel watching over us. Somehow, even though it's impossible, I've been hoping that our guardian angel is Shawn. But I guess luck's just with us.

*ring* *ring*

I got my phone and answered the call. It was the Chief on the other line.

"_O'Hara"_

"_Detective O'Hara, go to the station immediately, we have a situation."_

I left my half eaten pancake, and went directly to the station. The Chief briefed us on the warehouse, where a drug syndicate is based. We're going to ambush them and we had to be prepared for any gunfight. I wore my vest and prepared my gun and extra magazines. I rode with Carlton and during the trip, he lectured me over and over again on what I should and I should not do, like what he always does whenever we're going in an ambush. It's sweet that I know he's watching over me but he can be really annoying.

I stopped listening to Carlton since my mind wandered off to Shawn again. If he were here, he'll be snooping around and he'll be going with us at the ambush. I wonder how he is. I wish he is safe even though a part of me that Shawn will always get into trouble no matter what. But I just wish he's okay.

When we got into the warehouse, everything went wrong and as expected, it resulted to an exchange of bullets. I was in the middle of a gun fight when someone grabbed me and choked me. I knew that moment I was going to die and I wished that in the final moments of my life I can see Shawn again. Everything is starting hazy and my head is starting to get lighter when suddenly I was released. I started to breathe again and I thought saw Shawn. Am I dead? But when things are starting to get clearer, I realized it's not Shawn but he seems familiar. Right. He's one of the waiters in the diner. Then it hit me: _What the hell is he doing here? _I was supposed to ask him when suddenly two men appeared.

I fought one of the two men and luckily, he's just wimpy son of a bitch. I knocked him with one punch! I turned and saw that the diner guy is having trouble with his bad guy. I saw a metal pipe near the floor. I picked it up and used it to whack his head. He got knocked out. I turned to diner guy to question him, but I saw his shirt is soaking with blood. Oh my God! He's been stabbed. He looked at me confused but not long after he noticed his wound. I ran to him, but he passed out. I called for the bus and for Carlton.

I pressed my jacket to his wound to stop it from further bleeding. I looked at the diner guy, and noticed he looked peaceful, and strangely familiar. I was supposed to remove his thick glasses to look at him closer, but I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up. It was Gus. I glared at him.

"_Gus! What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here."_

He glared back. _"You know why I'm here Juliet. Shawn wanted me to look after you." _

"_I know. But this is strictly police business. You can't be here." _I spatted back

"_Yes. I know that. I made sure the gun fight is over before I went in. Are you ok?" _He asked comforting.

"_Yeah. Thanks." _ I looked back at the man who saved my life. If it wasn't for him, she could have choked up to death. He saved her. _"Gus, can you please look after him for a while and make sure he's going to be okay. This man saved my life and I wanted to make sure he'll be fine but I need to go to Carlton and we have to clean things up."_ He nodded. I turned to the man and whispered to his ear. _"Please be okay, I wanted to thank you when you're awake."_ I stood up but before I went to Carlton I told Gus to update me on his condition.

**Gus's P.O.V.**

I put pressure on the wound of this guy (without me looking on the blood spreading, thanks to Juliet), and I try to distract myself while waiting for the EMT to arrive. I look at the face of the man who saved Juliet's life. _Oh my God! _I quickly removed his glasses just to make sure I am not mistaken. _Oh my God! _I kept on repeating. I looked for further clues, my fear of blood was forgotten, I checked his pocket and got his wallet. His ID says he's Blane Mitchells. _But.. He looks like.. _Then it hit me.. _Oh my God!_ He could never fool me! _Of course! It's a perfect cover. _I almost didn't recognize him. Different name, his hair is longer, blonde and has a different style, he grew a beard, he looked a little older, but I can never be wrong. For heaven's sake, he's my best friend, my brother! _Shawn's back! But why is he hiding?_

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><p><strong><em>AN: So there you go.. Another chapter's done. :) Juliet still doesn't know its Shawn, but Gus already knows. Will Shawn be okay? Will Gus tell Juliet? Share your ideas on what do you think should happen next. Once again, thank you for reviews! :)  
><em>**


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